I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
