The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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