dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
