This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
