mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Go christen that room with your naked body.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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