Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
