did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
