Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
