Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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