We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
