I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
