I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
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I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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