True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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