YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
