my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
