Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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