i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
