Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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