why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
