My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
