im about as happy as oj after his trial
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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