"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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