I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We are all done wearing pants today
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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