All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
