somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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