I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize