Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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