It's just like the Real World with babies
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
