textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
false alarm, still single
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
