Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
