you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize