I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
