the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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