You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
