thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
