We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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