So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
