if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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