Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.

(1-301): View more from Maryland

but u need boobs to get one in the first place.

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(210): View more from Texas

eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?

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(313): View more from Michigan

I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.

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(510): View more from California

Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(404): View more from Georgia

We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.

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(239): View more from Florida

gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.

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(206): View more from Washington

Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars

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(618): View more from Illinois

If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)

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