hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?