ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
