U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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