He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.