I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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