If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize