....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
