Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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