fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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