It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
