You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The adults are the big ones right?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
