remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
