Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
