I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
