I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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