OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
