i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
