I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
