It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
fuck your aforementioned shoe
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
