First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
