one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
