I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
