where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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