Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
