You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize