the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
