Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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