It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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