Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I looked at my own cervix.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
