just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
