look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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