brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I stole a fireplace last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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